I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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