so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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