I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
