we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
