I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
