I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
