he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
