just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
