It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
