I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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