Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
