Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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