Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
