Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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