his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
