My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
