You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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