I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
