Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
