Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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