Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
