Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
