I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
