You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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