I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
