Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
