I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
