It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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