Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
