Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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