We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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