you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
