I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
