I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The feeling are messing with the penis
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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