i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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