Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
