There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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