You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a beard to bite.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
