Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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