Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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