My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
