Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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