You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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