i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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