Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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