You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
