u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
