Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
