Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
