the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
there's paper in my vomit.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
