And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
