were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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