I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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