I just cut my nipple shaving
love makes seman taste better
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
