Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
