My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
