I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
