Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
