She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
