I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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