people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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