you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
