May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
