Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
