mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
