Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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