he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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