My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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