there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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