I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
