If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Randomize
