My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
